I ran across this article online in regard to my brother Doug and the memorial service that was planned - read article here . While I am deeply moved that a memoril was planned for him - I am also a bit perplexed as to the writers comments. As Doug's sister I have known him all my life, not just in the theater, or in a restaurant - but in a very initimate family way that friends are not privy to.
To many, he appeared to be a very up-front kind of guy. However, I can assure you that he held alot inside. Many deep thoughts and values that I discovered over the last few years.
As the article mentioned Doug took great pride in his editorials and he wrote beautiful memorials for many over the years. However while he may have exposed warts face to face, he would never have tarnished the memory of anyone he wrote about. Of course if something was public knowledge he wouldn't avoid the issue - I am sure many local politicians would agree, but he would never disclose private matters. My goodness could you imagine if your friends told all your little secrets in a public memorial. Now wouldn't that make obituaries interesting? Hmm, there are a few I would love to write in the future, unfortunatley, my memorial would be just as tarnished - lol, so it's best to keep those tid-bits to ones self.
I have found that a few of Doug's friends have felt it necessary to divulge matters that were a bit strange, or just not true. Possibly they felt it necessary to do this to prove the closeness of their friendship? I just don't know, this is a bit perplexing for me. In the beginning this upset my family, however it seems so insignificant when compared to the fact that Dougie is gone. If anything this bit of curiosity has only magnified the fact that he is no longer here. When things like this occured in my life I would discuss the matter with Dougie. He was always able to give me the proper slant on things. But he is no longer here, so I am stuck with a very tilted slant.
As many of you know, Doug's immediate family did not attend the memorial service, first we were not invited, this was a time for friends - not a family that has suffered a terrible loss. At 92, Doug's mom has buried 2 son's, and Doug's loss effected her greatly. None of us are ready to laugh at Doug's life. I am sure one day we will be able to joyfully remember his brillance - however to those of us who see the holidays and family events loom before us, without him, it is just too soon to have a good laugh and enjoy his life's journey.
There is one story that wasn't shared about Dougie - one I will never forget. Just a day prior to his leaving us, he looked up at me and said "Denny, I hope I am leaving you OK." At first I shook my head and said, "no, I am not OK, not OK at all" but after seeing his face, I realized that he needed to know that I would be alright so I said; "yes, Dougie, you are leaving me OK." I think this one short conversation summed up what my brother truly was.
At the very end, through his physical pain, when he was looking at his own death, he was only concerned that I was OK. My dearest brother I wish I could tell you that I am OK today - that your life to me is one big play, one long song, one large chorus of laughter - but it isn't - not yet. But one day it will be....I promise.
Love
Denny :)
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Memorial Service Planned
Memorial set for Doug deLisle Article Posted from the Times Union Newspaper
First published: Monday, February 11, 2008
A service celebrating the life and career of Doug deLisle, the longtime area journalist and member of the theater community who died Feb. 1, has been scheduled for next month.
The service will be held at 2 p.m. Saturday, March 15, in the Swyer Theatre at The Egg in Albany.
It is planned to feature a video montage highlighting deLisle's stage career, live performances of selections from plays he directed and remembrances and tributes from friends and colleagues in journalism and the theater.
The memorial is free and open to the public.
Please note that a final service for Doug will be held in Hinckley NY, privately with his beloved Jean and his family. I regret to say that I will not be able to attend the March 15 memorial.
First published: Monday, February 11, 2008
A service celebrating the life and career of Doug deLisle, the longtime area journalist and member of the theater community who died Feb. 1, has been scheduled for next month.
The service will be held at 2 p.m. Saturday, March 15, in the Swyer Theatre at The Egg in Albany.
It is planned to feature a video montage highlighting deLisle's stage career, live performances of selections from plays he directed and remembrances and tributes from friends and colleagues in journalism and the theater.
The memorial is free and open to the public.
Please note that a final service for Doug will be held in Hinckley NY, privately with his beloved Jean and his family. I regret to say that I will not be able to attend the March 15 memorial.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Thank you
I apologize for not updating this blog sooner, I just do not have my brother's talent for words. I have no words to express the saddness that is in my heart and the gratitude I feel towards Doug's many friends.
Since Doug's passing I have received many emails, relating stories about Doug and how he touched the lives of so many around him. I would like to express my deepest appreciation to every one who took the time to contact me and to let me know how much Doug meant to you. You can sign Doug's online guest book here
I would also like to express my deepest gratitude to Kelly Sandvidge and Mike from the John J. Sandvidge Funeral Home in Troy NY - they went above and beyond every duty to ensure that Doug was laid to rest with dignity and grace. Putting all finances aside. This enabled our family to give Doug a service he would have been proud to have. When a business in the community puts people before funds it is a rare event and one that should be recognized.
Kelly Sandvidge is a man my brother deeply admired. In this difficutl time, Kelly has proven that his friendships and his community is more important to him then any business transaction - what a man of honor. Thank you Kelly.
I would also like to thank my brother Doug's closest friends and adopted "children" Jen and David M. Girard. Both Dave and Jen meant the world to Doug, and they spent many hundred's of hours with Doug over the 15 years they were all together. Dave has now become a New York actor (pardon me here Dave, if I get this wrong). Doug and Dave spent many years working their craft and Doug was truly Dave's number one fan - Doug always felt that Dave deserved to be on the big screen - and I believe that one day he will be - if not that then Broadway - either one would be lucky to have him. Dave delivered a wonderful eulogy that Doug would have pretended not to care about in public, but would have touched his heart deeply. Proving once again, that David is all that Doug believed him to be.
Jen was Doug's little sweet heart and true to that she stood by him during some of the most difficult times of his life. She was always a joy to Doug and I know that he was so proud of her and her success in running her own business the Arthur Murray Dance Studio in Latham NY. We talked often about the times they all spent together (ok I admit it - I was a bit jealous :) - but I was also happy to know that Doug had such loving "children"). Thank you so very much Dave and Jen.
Then there is Bob Goepfert, what an honor to have him speak such kind words about my brother. To have a man of such honor and moral character speak of Doug as his dear friend, meant a great deal to me. I have always been in awe of Doug's friends and once again I felt that awe while listening to Bob. To know that Doug was loved by a man of his intelligence, honesty and kindness is such a gift to our family. I know that Doug cherished his friendship with Bob and that it would have pleased him to hear his cherished friend's words. One of Doug's biggest joys in life was starting the Nickle and Dime Players with Bob. Thank you Bob.
There are so many people I want to thank in this little blog - Joe Galu, who has stood by Doug through thick and thin and gave Doug a run for his money when they worked together at Albany Civic Theater - keeping him on track and within budget. Joe has been a friend to my brother through our families' hardest times and he never waivered as a friend. Thank you so much, Joe, for your dedication and friendship over the many years we have been blessed to know you.
To Sally and John Burke of the Not So Common Players who faithfully visited Doug and who spent some of his last hours with him, even getting him to respond to Sally's voice. For their wonderful friendship to both Jean and myself and kindness to my mom - thank you. I know that you will be a great strength to Jean in the coming months.
To Robert Weidert who despite being sick himself called repeatedly and offered such comfort and support to me and my family. Kindly listening to me ramble on and on. I will never forget Robert's dedication. Doug was very touched by his phone calls and was pleased to know that Robert remembered his birthday :) - Thank you so much Robert.
To Benita Zahn, of Channel 13 news, for her wonderful tribute to Doug and for being his loyal friend for many years. She was a delight to Doug and he spoke of her often. Her support of our family and the joy she brought to my brother when they shared their birthday lunches every year was a cherished memory for Doug and a great comfort to his family. I know that he loved directing her in plays and he was always impressed by her talent and enjoyed their friendly "disagreements".
To Jeff, from the Troy Record who drove Doug all the way to NY and kept Doug's old car in good repair for many years. He was a valued friend and during Doug's most difficult time he gave unselfishly of his friendship and support.
To Will, who worked side by side with Doug in their office, drove Doug on many trips to the airport so he could go to his beloved Puerto Rico. Will took time from his busy day to pick Doug up from the hospital and take him home. Doug loved working with Will and missed him terribly when Doug had to retire.
To Doug's wonderful friend Lisa Robert Lewis, editor of The Record in Troy NY. Doug was proud to work (and argue) with Lisa. Her friendship and fairness in dealing with Doug's illness in the last days of his life, gave him comfort and peace of mind. Her years of dedication to Doug and his work was so appreciated by him. Her listening ear when I had to call her was a blessing to me.
To Linda - director of HR at the Troy Record, her ability to assist Doug in filing for insurance and keeping his paperwork in order was a blessing to me and to Doug. Allowing us to focus on Doug's needs and keeping him with us as long as possible. Thank you so very much.
To all those who took the time to remember Doug in their news columns and on-air editorials - Doug would have been so proud to know he was being remembered by those that he admired. You offered such comfort to us as his family - it was so wonderful to know we weren't alone in missing him.
To my sister Carol, in Anchorage Alaska, who provided me with the emotional and financial support during this difficult time. Her love and concern for all of us, gave me the strength to look at each day. Doug loved you Carol and you him. Thank you our dear sister.
And of course to Doug's beloved Jean - who is mentioned often in this blog. She was the strength and light in all of our lives during this difficult time. Setting her own grief aside. No words could ever express my deep gratitude for her love of my brother.
Please remember as you read these words, I am not a professional writer, nor do I have the talent my brother possessed. He is not here to edit my words, commas, or punctuation. However, each word written is heartfelt. Thank you dear friends.
****Please email me at denise@glassbeadz.com if I have forgotten someone in this note, don't be shy!
Sincerely
Denise
Since Doug's passing I have received many emails, relating stories about Doug and how he touched the lives of so many around him. I would like to express my deepest appreciation to every one who took the time to contact me and to let me know how much Doug meant to you. You can sign Doug's online guest book here
I would also like to express my deepest gratitude to Kelly Sandvidge and Mike from the John J. Sandvidge Funeral Home in Troy NY - they went above and beyond every duty to ensure that Doug was laid to rest with dignity and grace. Putting all finances aside. This enabled our family to give Doug a service he would have been proud to have. When a business in the community puts people before funds it is a rare event and one that should be recognized.
Kelly Sandvidge is a man my brother deeply admired. In this difficutl time, Kelly has proven that his friendships and his community is more important to him then any business transaction - what a man of honor. Thank you Kelly.
I would also like to thank my brother Doug's closest friends and adopted "children" Jen and David M. Girard. Both Dave and Jen meant the world to Doug, and they spent many hundred's of hours with Doug over the 15 years they were all together. Dave has now become a New York actor (pardon me here Dave, if I get this wrong). Doug and Dave spent many years working their craft and Doug was truly Dave's number one fan - Doug always felt that Dave deserved to be on the big screen - and I believe that one day he will be - if not that then Broadway - either one would be lucky to have him. Dave delivered a wonderful eulogy that Doug would have pretended not to care about in public, but would have touched his heart deeply. Proving once again, that David is all that Doug believed him to be.
Jen was Doug's little sweet heart and true to that she stood by him during some of the most difficult times of his life. She was always a joy to Doug and I know that he was so proud of her and her success in running her own business the Arthur Murray Dance Studio in Latham NY. We talked often about the times they all spent together (ok I admit it - I was a bit jealous :) - but I was also happy to know that Doug had such loving "children"). Thank you so very much Dave and Jen.
Then there is Bob Goepfert, what an honor to have him speak such kind words about my brother. To have a man of such honor and moral character speak of Doug as his dear friend, meant a great deal to me. I have always been in awe of Doug's friends and once again I felt that awe while listening to Bob. To know that Doug was loved by a man of his intelligence, honesty and kindness is such a gift to our family. I know that Doug cherished his friendship with Bob and that it would have pleased him to hear his cherished friend's words. One of Doug's biggest joys in life was starting the Nickle and Dime Players with Bob. Thank you Bob.
There are so many people I want to thank in this little blog - Joe Galu, who has stood by Doug through thick and thin and gave Doug a run for his money when they worked together at Albany Civic Theater - keeping him on track and within budget. Joe has been a friend to my brother through our families' hardest times and he never waivered as a friend. Thank you so much, Joe, for your dedication and friendship over the many years we have been blessed to know you.
To Sally and John Burke of the Not So Common Players who faithfully visited Doug and who spent some of his last hours with him, even getting him to respond to Sally's voice. For their wonderful friendship to both Jean and myself and kindness to my mom - thank you. I know that you will be a great strength to Jean in the coming months.
To Robert Weidert who despite being sick himself called repeatedly and offered such comfort and support to me and my family. Kindly listening to me ramble on and on. I will never forget Robert's dedication. Doug was very touched by his phone calls and was pleased to know that Robert remembered his birthday :) - Thank you so much Robert.
To Benita Zahn, of Channel 13 news, for her wonderful tribute to Doug and for being his loyal friend for many years. She was a delight to Doug and he spoke of her often. Her support of our family and the joy she brought to my brother when they shared their birthday lunches every year was a cherished memory for Doug and a great comfort to his family. I know that he loved directing her in plays and he was always impressed by her talent and enjoyed their friendly "disagreements".
To Jeff, from the Troy Record who drove Doug all the way to NY and kept Doug's old car in good repair for many years. He was a valued friend and during Doug's most difficult time he gave unselfishly of his friendship and support.
To Will, who worked side by side with Doug in their office, drove Doug on many trips to the airport so he could go to his beloved Puerto Rico. Will took time from his busy day to pick Doug up from the hospital and take him home. Doug loved working with Will and missed him terribly when Doug had to retire.
To Doug's wonderful friend Lisa Robert Lewis, editor of The Record in Troy NY. Doug was proud to work (and argue) with Lisa. Her friendship and fairness in dealing with Doug's illness in the last days of his life, gave him comfort and peace of mind. Her years of dedication to Doug and his work was so appreciated by him. Her listening ear when I had to call her was a blessing to me.
To Linda - director of HR at the Troy Record, her ability to assist Doug in filing for insurance and keeping his paperwork in order was a blessing to me and to Doug. Allowing us to focus on Doug's needs and keeping him with us as long as possible. Thank you so very much.
To all those who took the time to remember Doug in their news columns and on-air editorials - Doug would have been so proud to know he was being remembered by those that he admired. You offered such comfort to us as his family - it was so wonderful to know we weren't alone in missing him.
To my sister Carol, in Anchorage Alaska, who provided me with the emotional and financial support during this difficult time. Her love and concern for all of us, gave me the strength to look at each day. Doug loved you Carol and you him. Thank you our dear sister.
And of course to Doug's beloved Jean - who is mentioned often in this blog. She was the strength and light in all of our lives during this difficult time. Setting her own grief aside. No words could ever express my deep gratitude for her love of my brother.
Please remember as you read these words, I am not a professional writer, nor do I have the talent my brother possessed. He is not here to edit my words, commas, or punctuation. However, each word written is heartfelt. Thank you dear friends.
****Please email me at denise@glassbeadz.com if I have forgotten someone in this note, don't be shy!
Sincerely
Denise
Sunday, February 3, 2008
We invite you...
The John J. Sanvidge Funeral Home, Inc. is in charge of arrangements for the gathering of family and friends in Oakwood Cemetery, Gardner Earl Crematorium Chapel, Troy at 1:00 p.m. on Monday, February 4, prior to cremation.
A memorial and celebration of Doug's life will be held at a time to be announced at Albany Civic Theater and burial will take place in early spring in Hinkley, N.Y. in the family cemetery plot.
The family requests that contributions, if desired, be made to Rensselaer Community Hospice in place of flowers. E-mail: sanvidgefh@aol.com
A memorial and celebration of Doug's life will be held at a time to be announced at Albany Civic Theater and burial will take place in early spring in Hinkley, N.Y. in the family cemetery plot.
The family requests that contributions, if desired, be made to Rensselaer Community Hospice in place of flowers. E-mail: sanvidgefh@aol.com
Friday, February 1, 2008
Good-bye for now
Douglas (Dougie) de Lisle January 29, 1946 to February 1, 2008Forever loved - Forever in our hearts
The Troy Record and the Times Union wrote a lovely column on Doug today. However, I would like to add to the comments in the column, first and foremost Doug did not have Hepititis C - he did have a bout of Hepitiitis A as a young man in his 20's, and the tests at Mt. Sinai confirmed that Hepititis C was not present. This is what was so puzzling about his liver disease, and what made him a good candidate for a transplant, prior to his heart damage.
The next thing I would like to address is Doug's wonderful friend Jean Foss. I dearly want her to have the recognition that belongs to her and her alone. She was (and is) Doug's beloved friend and companion. It was with her by his side that Doug fought his battle against this dreadful disease.
For the last months of Doug's life Jean dedicated her every waking minute to his hoped for recovery. She traveled with him to Mt. Sinai in NY, and the Cleveland Clinic in Ohio. She fought to keep Doug in all of our lives. Her dedication and care is what enabled Doug to live as long as he was able. The obstacles she overcame were enormous, yet she took them on and fought for Doug's life as if it was her own.
What I will remember about Doug's passing is that he did not go alone. He was holding the hand of "his sweetie" - Jeanie. The hand that held his almost daily for the last three months of his battle.
Jean gave joy to Doug's life for seven years and she helped him slip gently from this life to the next, in the peace and comfort she provided.
It grieved me a bit that no article could capture the love, dedication and selflessness Jean gifted to Doug in the last days he was here. While Doug is my brother, our friend - to Jean he was connected on a much more spiritual plane - deeper then I will ever understand.
What I will cherish about Doug's last moments is the feeling of comfort and peace that surrounded us, as Jean's loving hand, placed gently in his, guided my brother to his final rest.
In the end my dearest brother, you were given the perfect gift of true love.
A final Goodbye
Doug passed away at 12:55 am on February 1st, 2008. There is not one word I can think of to say at this time. Thank you all for being so wonderful. Please check here for updates on a memorial service.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Doug is leaving home
Well, the post I have been dreading is here. Doug will be leaving home soon - onto the biggest part he will ever play - soon he will be directing the heavens. Jean has been by his side since this am. Sally and John stopped in and that was such a wonderful thing - as Doug actually showed signs of knowing they were there!
Mike came by after work - he has been so wonderful. Last evening he brought Doug cable for his TV and tonight when he came and saw that Doug was in an end of life sleep - he actually went all the way back to Albany to pick up Doug's favorite opera music - which is playing now....
I have a ton of things I want to say here - I want to say that I love my brother, that I am grateful to have had him in my life - that I am sorry that I wasn't always the perfect sister or friend, that I wish with all my heart he could have had one good year of retirement and traveled once more to his beloved Puerto Rico.... That I will miss our talks about Project Runway and his weekly reminders to watch it.
Then there is Jean - Jean who will have a broken heart, which seems so unfair as she gave her all - her entire being to Doug and his recovery, what do you say to someone who loves your brother like that? How the heck can I ever make that better, because in truth, this part is really about Jean - the person who loved Doug beyond anything I have ever experienced. I know that once Doug leaves us he will be so much better off, out of pain, worry and free from his fear of getting old. So if you read this please be sure to offer your love and support to her, this very quiet, calm and strong woman who came into my brother's life and saved it for so long.
Mike came by after work - he has been so wonderful. Last evening he brought Doug cable for his TV and tonight when he came and saw that Doug was in an end of life sleep - he actually went all the way back to Albany to pick up Doug's favorite opera music - which is playing now....
I have a ton of things I want to say here - I want to say that I love my brother, that I am grateful to have had him in my life - that I am sorry that I wasn't always the perfect sister or friend, that I wish with all my heart he could have had one good year of retirement and traveled once more to his beloved Puerto Rico.... That I will miss our talks about Project Runway and his weekly reminders to watch it.
Then there is Jean - Jean who will have a broken heart, which seems so unfair as she gave her all - her entire being to Doug and his recovery, what do you say to someone who loves your brother like that? How the heck can I ever make that better, because in truth, this part is really about Jean - the person who loved Doug beyond anything I have ever experienced. I know that once Doug leaves us he will be so much better off, out of pain, worry and free from his fear of getting old. So if you read this please be sure to offer your love and support to her, this very quiet, calm and strong woman who came into my brother's life and saved it for so long.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Doug is Home
Doug came home last evening - and what a journey that was - the ambulance crew had a really hard time getting him up the stairs to my home and ended up doing major damage to my wall. Sigh! They were a bit worried that I was going to do a report and even offered to come in their free time to repair it - but in light of everything it really wasn't their fault and so I will wait until things settle down and put all those years of watching those do it yourself programs to use.
Today is Doug's birthday - and I haven't a clue as to how to even recognize it - what do you do when you know that this is your loved ones last birthday - what do you even say. I am hoping that Hospice will come early to show me what to do for him - I haven't been able to move him from the position the ambulance crew left him in and he had a very uncomfortable first night - he finally went to sleep at around 3 am - I gave him a foot rub like Jean was doing in hopes that it would relax him....just keep us in prayer - this is a hard day for everyone.
DOUG'S BIRTHDAY PM
We had quite an interesting birthday evening - first we ordered a hospital bed - I had made up a regular bed for Doug - with all new striped sheets - no flowers!!! But it just wasn't a good idea as he is not mobile and this made it impossible for him to be comfortable. So we did some major furniture moving and now he is comfortable in a hospital bed.
The best part of the evening is that Doug ate 2 lampchops and asparagus - Jean fed it to him, and we were both so delighted when he actually clapped for the "chief" at the end of the meal - really made the whole evening fun...
Today is Doug's birthday - and I haven't a clue as to how to even recognize it - what do you do when you know that this is your loved ones last birthday - what do you even say. I am hoping that Hospice will come early to show me what to do for him - I haven't been able to move him from the position the ambulance crew left him in and he had a very uncomfortable first night - he finally went to sleep at around 3 am - I gave him a foot rub like Jean was doing in hopes that it would relax him....just keep us in prayer - this is a hard day for everyone.
DOUG'S BIRTHDAY PM
We had quite an interesting birthday evening - first we ordered a hospital bed - I had made up a regular bed for Doug - with all new striped sheets - no flowers!!! But it just wasn't a good idea as he is not mobile and this made it impossible for him to be comfortable. So we did some major furniture moving and now he is comfortable in a hospital bed.
The best part of the evening is that Doug ate 2 lampchops and asparagus - Jean fed it to him, and we were both so delighted when he actually clapped for the "chief" at the end of the meal - really made the whole evening fun...
Friday, January 25, 2008
UpDate January 25th 2008 No Transplant - Hospice Care
Doug has returned home to NY - and is now in St. Peter's Hospital - Jean traveled with him in the ambulance for the 8 hour trip - what a hardship for her, what a wonderful friend she is! I am now preparing Doug's room for him - I am going to go out and get 4 new pillows - just so he can sink into the bed when he gets here.
When I spoke with Doug this evening he was in good spirits - the best he has been in, in a week- and I was so glad to hear him laugh. I told him that I was disappointed about him not having the transplant, because as his living donor I had planned on using that on him for years and years of favors - we both had a good laugh at that, after all he knows its true :) - isn't that what a sister is supposed to do. Drive her brother crazy - so far I think I have done a wonderful job.
I spoke with his friend Mike - Doug's roommate of over 30 years (both confirmed bachelors) - and he is bringing over some of Doug's things - like a small tv with dvd player and his PJ's and just "stuff" to make things homey when he comes here. Mike had repainted Doug's room in his old home, in hopes that one day he would be well enough to return there - and I know that he was quite saddened to realize that this is not going to happen....
I am really glad to be able to have Doug in my home and I know that my mom is looking forward to seeing him. I am not sure how much her Alzheimer's Disease lets her understand, and I am not sure how to handle future events as they happen, I am going to have to leave that up to God and prayer.
Hospice will be coming in for an hour or so every other day - we were hoping for every day - but the insurance only covers a small bit of the expense, and Doug's bills are mounting quickly now, but they have not become unmanageable - thank goodness. I would rather conserve his funds for things that he will really enjoy - maybe bring in Jean's friend - sorry can't remember her name - and give Doug a massage - or maybe get him a really cool haircut, just some fun things instead of all the hospital necessities. In retrospect it really doesn't matter, my mind set has always been to conserve so that Doug would be OK in his retirement years, but that isn't important now....so we will do what we need to do, and I am thankful that we can!
Doug's birthday is January 29th and I am hoping he will be well enough to maybe have some of his friends drop in.
I am both happy to have him home and sad to know that the only reason he is at home is because there will not be a transplant. Life is just a bit strange at times.
Hugs
Denise
When I spoke with Doug this evening he was in good spirits - the best he has been in, in a week- and I was so glad to hear him laugh. I told him that I was disappointed about him not having the transplant, because as his living donor I had planned on using that on him for years and years of favors - we both had a good laugh at that, after all he knows its true :) - isn't that what a sister is supposed to do. Drive her brother crazy - so far I think I have done a wonderful job.
I spoke with his friend Mike - Doug's roommate of over 30 years (both confirmed bachelors) - and he is bringing over some of Doug's things - like a small tv with dvd player and his PJ's and just "stuff" to make things homey when he comes here. Mike had repainted Doug's room in his old home, in hopes that one day he would be well enough to return there - and I know that he was quite saddened to realize that this is not going to happen....
I am really glad to be able to have Doug in my home and I know that my mom is looking forward to seeing him. I am not sure how much her Alzheimer's Disease lets her understand, and I am not sure how to handle future events as they happen, I am going to have to leave that up to God and prayer.
Hospice will be coming in for an hour or so every other day - we were hoping for every day - but the insurance only covers a small bit of the expense, and Doug's bills are mounting quickly now, but they have not become unmanageable - thank goodness. I would rather conserve his funds for things that he will really enjoy - maybe bring in Jean's friend - sorry can't remember her name - and give Doug a massage - or maybe get him a really cool haircut, just some fun things instead of all the hospital necessities. In retrospect it really doesn't matter, my mind set has always been to conserve so that Doug would be OK in his retirement years, but that isn't important now....so we will do what we need to do, and I am thankful that we can!
Doug's birthday is January 29th and I am hoping he will be well enough to maybe have some of his friends drop in.
I am both happy to have him home and sad to know that the only reason he is at home is because there will not be a transplant. Life is just a bit strange at times.
Hugs
Denise
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
UP DATE JANUARY 23, 2008
Well friends it is with a heavy heart that I inform you that Doug has elected not to continue further treatment.
He will be returning from Cleveland as soon as a bed opens up at St. Peter's Hospital - from there Doug will be discharged to hospice care at my home.
I am not sure yet how to handle the situation with my mom - how to help her understand - but for now I am just going to explain that Doug is staying with us for a bit of time. Jean is heartbroken as am I. Noone tried harder to keep a friend comfortable, safe and alive than Jean - she is a true angel.
I would also like to thank Heather for her wonderful encouraging emails, I know I have not yet responded - but I so appreciate them and once things settle down I will send a more personal note :) - Thank you Heather!
PS - Doug's birthday is January 29th
He will be returning from Cleveland as soon as a bed opens up at St. Peter's Hospital - from there Doug will be discharged to hospice care at my home.
I am not sure yet how to handle the situation with my mom - how to help her understand - but for now I am just going to explain that Doug is staying with us for a bit of time. Jean is heartbroken as am I. Noone tried harder to keep a friend comfortable, safe and alive than Jean - she is a true angel.
I would also like to thank Heather for her wonderful encouraging emails, I know I have not yet responded - but I so appreciate them and once things settle down I will send a more personal note :) - Thank you Heather!
PS - Doug's birthday is January 29th
Friday, January 18, 2008
UpDate January 18, 2008
I apologize for not keeping the blog updated in the last few weeks...so much has happened - or actually NOT happened, since the last update that I am not sure where to begin.
Doug has been in a catch 22 sort of situation. St. Peter's Hospital turned Doug down for a heart valve repair, and actually told us that there was no place in the country that would do it. Thank goodness for the internet. Both Jean and I got on the net and found 2 hospitals that would do such a repair. Fortunately, Jean convinced the doctors in Albany to transfer Doug to Cleveland Heart Center in Ohio. He has been there a week now.
It has been a bit of a roller coaster since then - the Cleveland Cardiac Unit is hesitant to do a heart procedure, yet without it Doug will not qualify for a liver transplant.
At first it was suggested that Doug return to Albany and receive hospice care here at my home. So I began preparing a room here for him. And attempted to get my mom ready for Doug's living here with us. As many of you know, our mom has Alzheimer's disease and so it isn't easy to help her understand changes. I do believe that she understands how sick Doug is....but that is about all she may or may not understand. I thought I had gotten used to my mom's condition, that I had accepted she wasn't really herself any longer - but I find it extremely difficult lately, I miss her and wish I could talk to her about Doug and what is going on. Then again, what mother would want to know how sick their child is - so I suppose for her it is a blessing and I should be grateful for that.
Once the decision for hospice was made, we again went on a roller coaster ride. The heart surgeons in Cleveland decided that they just might do the surgery after all. The liver transplant team at the Center would wait and see how Doug came through the first surgery and then allow him to start qualifying for a liver transplant. As of this writing the situation has been a daily wait, to see who would agree to do what - very frustrating.
In the meantime, Jean and Doug are in Cleveland and I am here with mom and working on keeping up with my business client's orders. It has been difficult to continue working, when my heart wants to be in Cleveland. I do not know what our family would have done without Jean's steadfast dedication to Doug's care, and I wonder what other families do when such a thing happens.
Surely the health care system is not set up to help a family when a major medical condition threatens to take a life. Lets face it, without Jean what would I have done? Quit work, place my mom in one of those sub-standard nursing facilites and then travel with Doug? There would have been no other option. Yet what sort of option is that - I would have lost the house and then what...we are all homeless. It just doesn't make sense.
OK I am rambling here - but to be honest I miss my brother, I want to be with him and yet I know I can't be there....I want him to be home with me, yet I know that if that happens that may mean that there is no hope of any procedure.
So we all wait. 3 days ago our option was hospice care at home, 2 days ago they said they may do the heart procedure, yesterday the doctors said they would meet to decide, and as of this am - around 4:30 am to be exact - I am still waiting in NY, Jean is sleeping on hospital chairs in Cleveland, and Doug waits for a team to decide if he should have a shot at life...this is where I wish I had my brother's talent to write. To share what has been happening with such limited ability is frustrating - and without Doug's editorial skills to help me I am at a bit of a loss on how to get across to his friends just what the heck is going on.
I guess the best way to describe the last week or two is - we are in a holding pattern, between hope and a tad bit of despair, if that makes any sense at all!
I am not sure where Doug will be in in the next few days - so if you would like to send him a note you can mail it to me and I will make sure he gets them - his birthday is on January 29th. Feel free to email me at denise@glassbeadz.com for the address. Please put DOUG in the subject line, as my business is web based and I receive quite a bit of email, and I don't want Doug's friends to get lost in the shuffle.
Doug has been in a catch 22 sort of situation. St. Peter's Hospital turned Doug down for a heart valve repair, and actually told us that there was no place in the country that would do it. Thank goodness for the internet. Both Jean and I got on the net and found 2 hospitals that would do such a repair. Fortunately, Jean convinced the doctors in Albany to transfer Doug to Cleveland Heart Center in Ohio. He has been there a week now.
It has been a bit of a roller coaster since then - the Cleveland Cardiac Unit is hesitant to do a heart procedure, yet without it Doug will not qualify for a liver transplant.
At first it was suggested that Doug return to Albany and receive hospice care here at my home. So I began preparing a room here for him. And attempted to get my mom ready for Doug's living here with us. As many of you know, our mom has Alzheimer's disease and so it isn't easy to help her understand changes. I do believe that she understands how sick Doug is....but that is about all she may or may not understand. I thought I had gotten used to my mom's condition, that I had accepted she wasn't really herself any longer - but I find it extremely difficult lately, I miss her and wish I could talk to her about Doug and what is going on. Then again, what mother would want to know how sick their child is - so I suppose for her it is a blessing and I should be grateful for that.
Once the decision for hospice was made, we again went on a roller coaster ride. The heart surgeons in Cleveland decided that they just might do the surgery after all. The liver transplant team at the Center would wait and see how Doug came through the first surgery and then allow him to start qualifying for a liver transplant. As of this writing the situation has been a daily wait, to see who would agree to do what - very frustrating.
In the meantime, Jean and Doug are in Cleveland and I am here with mom and working on keeping up with my business client's orders. It has been difficult to continue working, when my heart wants to be in Cleveland. I do not know what our family would have done without Jean's steadfast dedication to Doug's care, and I wonder what other families do when such a thing happens.
Surely the health care system is not set up to help a family when a major medical condition threatens to take a life. Lets face it, without Jean what would I have done? Quit work, place my mom in one of those sub-standard nursing facilites and then travel with Doug? There would have been no other option. Yet what sort of option is that - I would have lost the house and then what...we are all homeless. It just doesn't make sense.
OK I am rambling here - but to be honest I miss my brother, I want to be with him and yet I know I can't be there....I want him to be home with me, yet I know that if that happens that may mean that there is no hope of any procedure.
So we all wait. 3 days ago our option was hospice care at home, 2 days ago they said they may do the heart procedure, yesterday the doctors said they would meet to decide, and as of this am - around 4:30 am to be exact - I am still waiting in NY, Jean is sleeping on hospital chairs in Cleveland, and Doug waits for a team to decide if he should have a shot at life...this is where I wish I had my brother's talent to write. To share what has been happening with such limited ability is frustrating - and without Doug's editorial skills to help me I am at a bit of a loss on how to get across to his friends just what the heck is going on.
I guess the best way to describe the last week or two is - we are in a holding pattern, between hope and a tad bit of despair, if that makes any sense at all!
I am not sure where Doug will be in in the next few days - so if you would like to send him a note you can mail it to me and I will make sure he gets them - his birthday is on January 29th. Feel free to email me at denise@glassbeadz.com for the address. Please put DOUG in the subject line, as my business is web based and I receive quite a bit of email, and I don't want Doug's friends to get lost in the shuffle.
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