Memorial Service Thoughts

I ran across this article online in regard to my brother Doug and the memorial service that was planned - read article here . While I am deeply moved that a memoril was planned for him - I am also a bit perplexed as to the writers comments. As Doug's sister I have known him all my life, not just in the theater, or in a restaurant - but in a very initimate family way that friends are not privy to.

To many, he appeared to be a very up-front kind of guy. However, I can assure you that he held alot inside. Many deep thoughts and values that I discovered over the last few years.

As the article mentioned Doug took great pride in his editorials and he wrote beautiful memorials for many over the years. However while he may have exposed warts face to face, he would never have tarnished the memory of anyone he wrote about. Of course if something was public knowledge he wouldn't avoid the issue - I am sure many local politicians would agree, but he would never disclose private matters. My goodness could you imagine if your friends told all your little secrets in a public memorial. Now wouldn't that make obituaries interesting? Hmm, there are a few I would love to write in the future, unfortunatley, my memorial would be just as tarnished - lol, so it's best to keep those tid-bits to ones self.

I have found that a few of Doug's friends have felt it necessary to divulge matters that were a bit strange, or just not true. Possibly they felt it necessary to do this to prove the closeness of their friendship? I just don't know, this is a bit perplexing for me. In the beginning this upset my family, however it seems so insignificant when compared to the fact that Dougie is gone. If anything this bit of curiosity has only magnified the fact that he is no longer here. When things like this occured in my life I would discuss the matter with Dougie. He was always able to give me the proper slant on things. But he is no longer here, so I am stuck with a very tilted slant.

As many of you know, Doug's immediate family did not attend the memorial service, first we were not invited, this was a time for friends - not a family that has suffered a terrible loss. At 92, Doug's mom has buried 2 son's, and Doug's loss effected her greatly. None of us are ready to laugh at Doug's life. I am sure one day we will be able to joyfully remember his brillance - however to those of us who see the holidays and family events loom before us, without him, it is just too soon to have a good laugh and enjoy his life's journey.

There is one story that wasn't shared about Dougie - one I will never forget. Just a day prior to his leaving us, he looked up at me and said "Denny, I hope I am leaving you OK." At first I shook my head and said, "no, I am not OK, not OK at all" but after seeing his face, I realized that he needed to know that I would be alright so I said; "yes, Dougie, you are leaving me OK." I think this one short conversation summed up what my brother truly was.

At the very end, through his physical pain, when he was looking at his own death, he was only concerned that I was OK. My dearest brother I wish I could tell you that I am OK today - that your life to me is one big play, one long song, one large chorus of laughter - but it isn't - not yet. But one day it will be....I promise.

Love
Denny :)